Giving up on Privacy as part of Parenting

It’s not news to anyone who is a parent that when wee folk are afoot your sense of privacy has to be modified, somewhat forcefully. It’s not so much that you can’t have privacy, it’s more that you need to redefine privacy to encompass the new members of your family.

There’s nowhere that this is more directly brought home than when you try to go to the bathroom. Yes, I know this isn’t a scintillating topic, but I can remember when I’d use the lavatory pre-kids I’d think “phew, a minute or two away from the world, a tiny reprieve”.
Then little people showed up and now we’ve completely given up on any privacy at all. I have, to put it indelicately, been sitting on the lav when my kids will parade in and start arguing, ask me about what a word means in a book they’re reading, or just to see what’s going on.
I should also mention that we have no locks on any of the doors inside our house, as a conscious decision we made when we moved in. Actually, no, there’s one door that locks, the guest bathroom. We weren’t sure how visitors would be able to handle kids wandering in and out during the most, um, private of moments. 🙂
The other area where privacy flies out the window, seemingly never to be seen again, is in regards to intimacy. It’s one thing to make out with your spouse at a movie, and another thing entirely to know with confidence that little people will inevitably wake up and wander in for a visit during the most intimate of moments.
For some couples, I expect that’s vaguely exciting (though the explanations of what was “really” happening for the kids are probably pretty amusing) but for others, the relaxation of lovemaking is just shot when a little head peers over the edge of the bed and a little voice says “Mommy, I’m hungry. And whatcha doin’ anyway?”
So perhaps one of the many adjustments that you need to make as an attachment parent is to give up on privacy entirely. Or at least be ready to radically redefine it for a few years…

3 comments on “Giving up on Privacy as part of Parenting

  1. Thank you for this reminder of what we’ve already learned — about four years ago, right after our first was born!
    Some child-less friends may be amazed and shocked at the lack of privacy, but we’ve just decided that privacy isn’t a priority. And, apparently, neither is ownership, since everything in this house seems to belong to everyone!
    But, I don’t complain. After all, I taught them to come with me everywhere. Being a stay-at-home-mom, when I went to the bathroom, my babe needed to come with me. Now that they’re a bit older, they still see this as “social hour!” Sometimes, this is when we hear the funniest things out of them, too!
    Besides, it’s tough to want nothing more than to be alone, when there’s a little person wanting nothing more than to be with you — and, only you.
    It’s a trade off. But, a worthwhile one! ;o)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *