A few days ago we received a comment on one our discussions from a “tired mom” who related a situation that I suspect we can all sympathize with as tired, tapped out parents who don’t have the resources to always be perky and engaged with our children. We’ve since gone back and forth a couple of times, but I thought that the collective wisdom of the Attachment Parenting community might offer even more great ideas. So, please, read through this posting then offer up a comment of your own about how you handle this sort of situation and what you’d suggest to this exhausted Mom if she were your friend or neighbor. Thanks.
Hello, I am facing A LOT of trouble in handling and taking care of my two kids. The eldest is two and the second one. Though I do have a care taker with me, I am still finding it extremely difficult. I have even spanked my youngest twice!
HELP! –Posted by: a tired mother
Tired mother, if you have a one year old and a two year old and they’re proving that much of a handful, then perhaps you might spend some time thinking about the relationships and interaction that they see on a daily basis. I know that in our household, when we’re tense, upset, or angry, our kids naturally mirror our emotional state and get more difficult too…
By contrast, try something wacky. If your children are being frustrating or annoying, laugh. Do something goofy. Get down on the floor and tell them that they have to tickle you, whatever.
Also, I’d strongly suggest that you and your caretaker make sure that you’re both approaching things the same way too; it might be the case that she encourages or allows certain behaviors that you don’t like, giving the children a mixed and confusing message.
Good luck. Maybe getting rid of the “tired” in your sig (that is, getting some sleep) could help too… 🙂 — Posted by: Dave Taylor
Thanks for the answer. I do get sleep etc, but it’s just that my bearing capacity, that is patience, is EXTREMLY LOW! My care taker does what I ask her to, there is no clash.
Earlier I had a very good care taker, who the kids used to love being with, things were really smooth then, but she left, and my kids dont jibe very well with the new one, especially my youngest, who just cant leave me, which is very tiresome for me. I do wish I could enjoy parenting, and being with my kids always, but unfortunately, very unfortunately, it is not so.
I stay at home, but i like to spend time by myself, doing other things.
What should be done, when both cry at the same time? When the elder spanks the second every time she sees her? I am wondering whether I should take some medicines to calm myself? not allopathic one for sure, but some alternative like homeopathic? please advise.
And thanks a lot. — Posted by: me -the tired mother
More thoughts: maybe each of your children is hungry for one-on-one time: can you devote an hour each day to spending time just with one child, not both, and do whatever they most enjoy? (go to the park, play on the floor, cuddle in bed, whatever)
Obviously, you have to stop hitting your children so that you can tell them that hitting is never a solution to conflict or problems. You can’t really get upset that they hit if you are also hitting them (my personal opinion, others disagree)
When they’re both crying, hug them both and let them cry until they feel better. Are they dressed warmly enough? Are you feeding them good, healthy foods that meet the needs of their growing little bodies? Are they sleeping enough? (our kids go to bed at 6pm and sleep through until 7 the next morning)
Good luck. — posted by Dave Taylor
What else could this Mom be doing to get out of this funk and into a more gentle and loving space with her children?