We’ve written about quite a range of different topics here on our Attachment Parenting Blog, so it’s interesting to see which garner the most comments and controversy.
In particular, we will often think that a posting will generate lots of discussion just to be surprised when it doesn’t, while others that we think are simple, obvious statements of fact prove to be surprisingly controversial.
The article that’s generated the most discussion of all is Why do so many men cheat on their spouses?
When I originally wrote that article, I quoted some statistics I’d read about what percentage of men cheat on their spouses – and women too – and stated that I believe it’s always wrong to cheat.
Amazingly, the article has garnered over fifty comments, ranging from men and women agreeing with my perspective to men explaining why they cheat, to women who have affairs with married men, to the spouse left behind. There’s a lot of emotion and passion in the discussion and it’s quite compelling reading.
The other more recent article that’s garnered a lot of comments from our readers is another one that I thought wouldn’t be particularly controversial either: Why we don’t hit our kids.
The comments on that article include a rather chilling note from a child psychologist explaining “the right way to spank a child” and other parents who explain that if it’s done “with love” then it’s effective discipline for both parent and child.
Again, the discussion and comments are quite interesting, including comments from people sharing how they were hit as children and the long-term effects it’s had on their psychological well-being.
But don’t take our word for it: go read the two articles, scroll through and read all the comments, and see what people have been writing about cheating spouses and spanking children.
I never tell the people I know who “spank” their kids this but to me it is not spanking it is simply HITTING your child. To me their is no discussion. I have a one year and a four year old. I have had plenty of pissed off and angry days. I have never thought about HITTING my child no matter what. I have felt like HITTING SOMETHING. We all have these emotions and lose our patience from time to time. I myself could never come to Hit my child. Whether it is on the bottom or the cheek or the where ever the strike may come. I was talking with my wife the other day about losing my temper when I have said my sons name about 20 times and he ignores me as if I was talking to a brick. That is when I lose my cool. Then I turn to yelling and anger and snide remarks. What I told my wife was if I could see into his eyes at that moment and see my childrens soul I would react in a more productive way. My wife said to me “you would never hit me.” So why would you hit your kids. My comments may be harsh but we forget sometimes that our kids are little human beings that are looking to us for guidance and protection. They should feel safe in our homes no matter the situation. If we respond to our kids with angry lashings out they will respond to the world with the same way.
I can but won’t go on.
I’m speachless about the comments on the spanking post…
How can so many parents be so cruel as to Hit their children and have not one ounce of remourse?
Spanking has nothing to do with a child’s behaviour is has to do with the lack of a parents self-discipline…
I have a very active and very challenging 3.5 yo old and there are times that I really have to hold back but I couldn’t live with myself if I actually gave into that… I teach him every day how to act with others, I teach him every day how he needs to keep his cool and talk things out… I won’t teach him that Hitting is OK and I won’t teach him how to use power-trips just to get what he wants…
BTW… great site!!
I don’t think that people should go around hitting their kids. However, I think that there is a time and a place for the occasional spanking. My mother didn’t hit me as a child, but she has spanked me a few times; when I was doing something that could cause me more serious harm than a spanking would. For example, I was a gymnast and one day I decided to practice my balance beam routine on the outside railing of our balcony. My mother caught me and gave me a swat on the rear because the damage that I could have done to myself in that situation was significantly worse than what a spanking would bring. Certain actions should have a level of pain associated with them, because they are painful activities. I am very glad that my mother spanked me in that situation because I could have gotten seriously injured. Before you start talking about how she should have reasoned with me and explained that what I was doing was dangerous, she did. I was headstrong (and still am) and didn’t listen.
I don’t believe in violence towards children but if my kid was about to put their hand on a hot stove after I had told them not to, I would rather give them a quick swat on the hand than have to take them to the emergency room with third degree burns/
my 2 cents.
There is no one right answer to whether or not a parent should spank a child. Yes, spanking is hitting, but I don’t see why it’s always bad. Different children learn better in different ways. If a child isn’t learning by a gentle prodding in the right direction and a kind explanation, but a swat on the wrist helps them connect an action with a negative consequence, who is anyone to judge if that child is not being harmed? I’ve heard a lot on the emotional distress caused by spanking, and yes, if you abuse your child, it will cause them distress. Moreover, you may have a child that isn’t taught best by that form of discipline. There is no one size fits all form of discipline. A swat on the behind that doesn’t leave a mark but deters a strong-willed child from ever playing with matches again does more good than harm. In any case, I think it is repulsive to judge another parent for their decisions and methods unless the parent is needlessly disciplining their child, abusing them in anyway, or causing bodily harm. It’s child abuse, not spanking, that has to do with a parent’s self-control. Spanking a child to teach them is very different from hitting a child because you’re angry, and to see the two compared is ridiculous. There is an appropriate way to use every form of discipline and every style of parenting, so I don’t see why it would be chilling to read a recommendation for an appropriate manner of applying a type of discipline. Then again, I’m an evil vaccinator and circumciser with no self-control who is selfish despite co-sleeping, breastfeeding, etc., so what do I know? 😉
The posters are so dense. Half argue for one thing; the other half argue against another. They’ll never agree because they’re arguing about two different things.
Obviously, it’s unacceptable to hit kids. Equally obviously (in my opinion), it’s perfectly acceptable to spank kids. The difference is simple: Are you angry when you do it? One is violence, the other is discipline.
There is a differance between hitting and spanking…I dont spank my children when i lose my cool i spank my children when they lose theyre cool. I believe that a good time out works better than spanking but if they do something completely outrageous they will get a swat on the behind…. I am sure there are plenty of bad people who should have been spanked in theyre childhood and plenty of good people that were spanked plenty. My son has it drilled in his head that hitting will not solve problems and he has never been in a fight, although things have happend at school that i woulda knocked someone out for…but he also has it drilled in his head that if he trips his sister and she busts her face hes going to get spanked, and he understands the differance. You just have to teach them and give positive discipline….spanking is only negative if you come at the with veins busting out your neck and smoke coming out your nose….that would scare the hell out of me….
Spanking can be very abusive if not done properly.pants should be lowered only from the back.parents should never see the front parts.same for over the knee, first down with the pants then otk only then should underpants be pulled down.then whack dont bruise.tush should be stinged nice red and hot.then they have to apologize
I do agree that other forms of discipline, like timeouts, removal of privileges, etc., are typically more effective than spanking. Spanking, especially when done out of anger and as a loss of control, can definitely create a more chaotic environment. There’s actually a great website with a debate on this very topic at http://www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-spanking-an-acceptable-form-of-discipline. Experts from both sides debate the issue, and the Center for Effective Discipline takes the anti-spanking side, making some good recommendations for why not to spank.
“Spanking” is just an inherited bad habit.
Here are a couple of good reads about why hitting isn’t a good idea:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson