People who follow this blog know that my kids are on an extended three week vacation overseas with their Mom. I miss ’em as it’s a long time to be apart, but so far, as is typical, all I seem to get are glimpses of what’s not going well rather than updates from my kids about what they’re doing that’s fun. My son is the one pushing the envelope, as is often the case, and…Read More
Divorce, summer holidays and missing my kids
I remember summer vacation from when I was a kid and it was day after day of nothing structured, no trips, no significant plans, an endless expanse of bike rides, shooting hoops, playing baseball on the street, tennis against the garage door, hanging with friends and having summer adventures. I never made Super 8 movies (never thought of it!) but my friends and I definitely did crazy bike rides to the beach (a really, really…Read More
Any advice on healing pet death trauma in a little one?
Oh, my poor little 7yo daughter! Through an unfortunately series of events, late last week she witnessed Linda’s dogs attacking and killing her pet rat Trixie. Worse, she was alone in the house at the time. At least she was smart enough not to intervene, I suppose, so she didn’t end up bitten by the dogs in the middle of their frenzy, but still… Since then she’s had a sadness in her heart – unsurprisingly…Read More
Single parenting and co-sleeping, when’s it time to switch?
I get letters… In fact, I just got the following email: “I was looking for some parenting advice for a friend of mine, hoping that I would dig up some neat clinical advice (as this would help take the sensitivity out of it), but can’t seem to find anything. Perhaps you can help….My friend, Mike, is going through a divorce and he and ex-wife have been separated for quite a while now. His 8 year…Read More
Today I wish I hadn’t bumped into my son…
Had an interesting experience today: the kids are with Linda on Tuesdays, but since it’s so beastly cold today (the high was 1F and the wind chill got us down to about -24F, making it one $#@$# cold day!) school was closed. Stuck at home for the morning, she braved the cold and took them to the local city recreational center so they could swim and shoot hoops (the 7yo girl and 10yo boy, respectively)….Read More
Christmas without the kids
One of the toughest parts of being a single parent is holidays. There’s no way around it, you’re going to end up celebrating some of your holidays sans children, unless you’re one of the fraction of divorced couples who have a sufficiently convivial relationship that you can all be in the same room at the same time. I’ve heard of it, but it’s certainly not my experience, and quite frankly other than for the kids…Read More
Divorce = greater financial burden for college students?
Interesting research from Rice University released today that the financial burden of paying for college is greater for those students who come from divorced or remarried parents. Here’s a link to the study: Contributions to College Costs by Married, Divorced, and Remarried Parent. There are some curious figures, however, that make me think the researchers haven’t really thought through the issue… For example, the research shows that divorced parents only have half the income, on…Read More
8 Simple Keys to Resolving Conflicts With Your Ex: No Cooperation Required
This is a guest article here on the Attachment Parenting Blog… You can work a little magic and learn to resolve almost any conflict with your co-parent even any cooperation. That’s difficult to believe, I know, but when you change your own behavior and response to arguments, others’ behavior in response changes automatically. It’s like magic but it’s simple yet not easy. Like poker, though, it’s a minute to learn and a lifetime to master….Read More
Keeping my kids engaged with our move…
Since we first separated, pre-divorce, I’ve had a three bedroom townhouse about a mile north of Linda’s place and as time has passed, it’s become more and more obvious that with three kids, the place is just woefully too small, especially given that none of them really want to sleep in the downstairs room once I’m upstairs and it’s late. No worries, I don’t really care if we all shuffle around during the night. So…Read More
Depersonalizing my house to sell it faster
I haven’t written too much about it here on my blog, but if you’ve tracked my Twitter stream (I’m @DaveTaylor on Twitter) you’ll know that I’ve been trying to sell my townhouse in Boulder for a few months now. Lots and lots of people checking it out, a fair number of second and third visits with spouses, etc, but no offers yet. Not one. Even though universally the feedback we get from the post-showings are…Read More
Single Dad traveling with kids isn’t so easy…
I just took my kids (13, 10, 6) to Orange County – aka “The OC” – to visit my folks for a week, and while it all went smoothly for the most part, there was more than one point when I really had to stop and marvel at how difficult it is to travel with kids as a single parent. To set the scene, my kids really are experienced travelers, great on airplanes, and generally…Read More
Can ex’s successfully have joint vacations?
My kids were on holiday with my ex for a few weeks, missing me (as they reported via email, text message and phone call) but enjoying their time with their mom. “Why can’t you be here too, Daddy?” was the constant refrain. Then when they’re with me on trips, it’s clear they miss their Mom too… A few years ago, when we were separated but not yet divorced (though divorce was clearly the path towards…Read More
Should you allow your older child to crawl into your bed at night?
A reader writes in a surprisingly common question about co-sleeping: “I’m curious as to what your opinion is on the subject of co-sleeping. I raised my 9 year old on attachment parenting since he was an infant, and will occassionally find him in my bed in the morning. It doesnt happen very often, however my ex’s fiance who was raised in a very non affectionate household seems to think that this is very unhealthy. My…Read More
Funding the kids toy stash at your ex’s house
One of the turning points in my ex and I stabilizing the situation with our kids after we separated and then divorced was for us to agree that things we bought the kids were their property and that they could take them from one house to the other without us intervening. It’s a recommended philosophy in co-parenting (e.g., parenting after a divorce) books too and saves the kids lots of stress about “toys at mommy’s…Read More
Solo holidays are a mixed bag
It’s inevitable when you’re divorced, I suppose, that some holidays you’ll be celebrating (if that’ the right word) without your children around. Generally we do pretty well with our parenting schedule and it’s a rare holiday that I don’t have at least one kid in the mix, and frankly, with three to go around, we should be able to pull this off, right? 🙂 Still, it’s Memorial Day and my kids are with their Mom…Read More
Research: Why your match.com email doesn’t lead to dates
I know I’m a research geek with lots of academic background and even a stint as a research scientist at an R&D lab, but still, this kind of data really fascinates me to no end: Online dating site OK Cupid has released the result of some semantic analysis that it did of the aggregate emails that people on the site sent each other, comparing what they wrote against whether or not they actually went on…Read More
Finding your sex appeal after divorce
This amusing piece was sent to me by the gal who wrote the book The Laptop Dancer Diaries and I thought I’d share it, even though it’s a bit, um, explicit. It’s written from a woman’s perspective, but with a few tweaks I think it addresses universal issues of self-image and self-confidence post-divorce. Read on, but you’ve been warned. Oh, and it’s okay to laugh a few times, even if it’s in embarrassment. 🙂 You’re…Read More
Should your ex show up at events when it’s your time?
Since I post questions for other people with some anonymity involved, I am finding that more questions are showing up in my mailbox, asking me for advice. I’m happy to help, but I do have to be candid that I’m hardly an expert parent nor am I any sort of expert on attachment parenting. Nonetheless, here’s the question of the day: Dave, I’m struggling with a co-parenting issue and looking for a fellow attachment parent…Read More
Ah, those fun phone calls from your kids…
It’s a lovely autumn afternoon here in Colorado and I’m working: the kids are with Mom for a few days, as is our regular weekday schedule. Imagine my surprise then when fifteen minutes ago my cellphone rings and it’s my older daughter, A-. “Hi Daddy. Can you come and pick us up?” “Um, what? Where’s mama?” “I dunno. We’ve been standing here in the cold for ten minutes and I can’t get ahold of her…Read More
Ten days without my kids and…
Hmmm…. after having my kids solo for two weeks my ex took them to their family compound in Missouri for their last hurrah of summer before school started. There wasn’t a specific duration to the trip planned, however, so rather than being able to plan out my solo time and slip in a trip or anything, I just hoped they’d last a week before coming back to hot late-summer Colorado. It’s now been ten days…Read More
Surviving the summer with my kids
I don’t get it. When I was a kid I remember summer as the time when I was up and out of the house every morning, cruising on my bike to my pal Mitchell’s house about 2/3 mile away, or, later, my friend Ivan’s house to get into some trouble or other (if one or the other of us wasn’t working). Sometimes they’d come over to my house and we’d spend the day building strange…Read More