Letting go of the last vestiges of a post-divorce world

I walked into a rarely visited cafe this afternoon, wasting 30 minutes prior to a meeting at school, and saw my 7yo sitting at a table with her Mom’s boyfriend. The two of them were sitting and doodling on a newspaper cover, eating brownies and a bagel with cream cheese while sipping on large hot chocolates (yeah, nice dinner, eh?) My initial reaction? The same as my reaction ten minutes later: completely neutral. I’m not…Read More

Divorce = greater financial burden for college students?

Interesting research from Rice University released today that the financial burden of paying for college is greater for those students who come from divorced or remarried parents. Here’s a link to the study: Contributions to College Costs by Married, Divorced, and Remarried Parent. There are some curious figures, however, that make me think the researchers haven’t really thought through the issue… For example, the research shows that divorced parents only have half the income, on…Read More

Parenting tip: Kids need Dads too…

I got this email from a reader this morning: “I just wanted to write you and tell you I just came across your site as I was searching for Attachment Parenting groups in Boulder, and am thrilled to have found a voice of a single dad who takes the time to write about his kids and all the quirks that go along with being a parent with an attachment parenting framework…. As a single mother…Read More

Can ex’s successfully have joint vacations?

My kids were on holiday with my ex for a few weeks, missing me (as they reported via email, text message and phone call) but enjoying their time with their mom. “Why can’t you be here too, Daddy?” was the constant refrain. Then when they’re with me on trips, it’s clear they miss their Mom too… A few years ago, when we were separated but not yet divorced (though divorce was clearly the path towards…Read More

Dating Men With Kids

I was chatting with my pal Nora a while back about dating and how things change when the men she meets are fathers, not just bachelors, and she proposed writing a little guide for us single dads and the nuances of dating from a woman’s perspective. This is it, with the names changed to protect the privacy of the men mentioned. Enjoy. Dating after the age of thirty-five (let alone after the age of forty)…Read More

Funding the kids toy stash at your ex’s house

One of the turning points in my ex and I stabilizing the situation with our kids after we separated and then divorced was for us to agree that things we bought the kids were their property and that they could take them from one house to the other without us intervening. It’s a recommended philosophy in co-parenting (e.g., parenting after a divorce) books too and saves the kids lots of stress about “toys at mommy’s…Read More

Solo holidays are a mixed bag

It’s inevitable when you’re divorced, I suppose, that some holidays you’ll be celebrating (if that’ the right word) without your children around. Generally we do pretty well with our parenting schedule and it’s a rare holiday that I don’t have at least one kid in the mix, and frankly, with three to go around, we should be able to pull this off, right? 🙂 Still, it’s Memorial Day and my kids are with their Mom…Read More

Finding your sex appeal after divorce

This amusing piece was sent to me by the gal who wrote the book The Laptop Dancer Diaries and I thought I’d share it, even though it’s a bit, um, explicit. It’s written from a woman’s perspective, but with a few tweaks I think it addresses universal issues of self-image and self-confidence post-divorce. Read on, but you’ve been warned. Oh, and it’s okay to laugh a few times, even if it’s in embarrassment. 🙂 You’re…Read More

How do you refer to “the person you’re seeing” when you’re an adult?

As a single man again, after almost two decades of being in a relationship, I’m finding that dating in my 40s is very different from dating in my 20s. One huge difference in me is self-confidence: I’m far more self-assured than I ever was back then. Just as importantly, I know what I don’t like and am comfortable saying so. Want to go ski the black diamond slopes in Aspen? I’m not your man. Want…Read More

The Secret Joy of a Proper Child Residence Arrangement

Without doing any research or checking with anyone, when Linda and I separated, we decided on a quite complicated two-household arrangement that maximized the solo time each child had with each parent. We did check after a month or two with a local psychiatrist and her comment was basically “wow, if you can do this, it’s good for the kids, but I think it’s going to prove difficult.” Our arrangement, on a typical week, was:…Read More

How do single dads (and working mothers) cope with summer holiday?

I feel a bit trapped right now. Linda and I are changing our parenting time arrangements so that all the kids are with her some days and then they’re all with me on other days. If you’ve read parenting post divorce type books, we’re probably going to be moving to a 2-5-5-2 arrangement. Prior to this we had a more complicated 2-2-2-1 sort of arrangement, staggered, so that each child had solo time with each…Read More

The wisdom of Solomon: splitting up with animals

I seem to recall — and I am resisting the siren song of Google to dig into it and find research! — that in the Bible there’s a famous story about King Solomon and his wisdom in solving challenges and arguments brought before him. The specific story I’m thinking about revolves around two women who came before the King, continuing their heated argument about who should have possession of a baby: both had given birth,…Read More