I was talking with a gal earlier this afternoon about single parenting and the involvement of both parents after a divorce. In my case, my ex and I are both quite involved in our children’s lives and regularly communicate about medical, sports, school and many other issues. For me, that’s the norm. Other single parents I know have a different arrangement, however, where one parent is the decision maker, while the other parent occasionally adds…Read More
One of the most difficult and hurtful things about the process of divorce is one adult finding out that the “family home” is no longer theirs and that they are no longer welcome. Whether they built it brick-by-brick, were in charge of remodeling it to fit the needs of the family, or painted all the art that’s hanging on the walls, when a divorce settles, 99% of the time the family home goes to one…Read More
I attended my daughter’s cello recital last week and it was delightful. It’s wonderful to see all of these children have the courage to go in front of a room and play solo pieces, whether they were 45 seconds long or complicated five minute pieces (depending on their experience level). The piano was accompanying most of them, but there was a duet and even a quartet piece for cello. Lovely, and the little ones of…Read More
I know a lot of men who have gone through divorce, and while sometimes it’s a smooth transition with little argument and hassle, other times it can be an extraordinarily difficult journey with contentious lawyers and a hostile legal system that remains biased against fathers. When I heard from Mark about their new Men’s Divorce web site, I was curious to learn more about the resource they were building, a question that spawned the following…Read More
This morning I had the privilege of being on my friend Bruce Sallan’s radio program A Dad’s Point of View, talking about tech and being a single dad, among other topics. You can listen to our ten minute segment, if you’d like: Or you can listen to the entire program (I’m the fourth ten minute segment) here: A Dad’s Point of View. Turns out that we scheduled this radio appearance to coincide with a live…Read More
I was approached by the New York Times about a week ago asking if I’d like to contribute a short essay to their Room for Debate section for Father’s Day, the topic being described as: “With all of the endless discussion about the Mommy Wars this spring, dads were pretty much left out of the discussion, which reveals that Attachment Parenting is really just Intensive Mothering. But with the approaching of Father’s Day, all the…Read More
My ex, her fiancée and I attended a meeting at school with a counselor, a check-in meeting about how my son is doing in school. He’s had a rather rough journey, as a lot of boys do in an era when school is more about cerebral activities and passive cooperation than actively running around, having lots of physical activities and just plain doing stuff. You can tell what my philosophy of raising boys is in…Read More
I seem to have opened the floodgates on letters from people, which is good. I do have to disclaim that I’m just a regular guy with no special training in family therapy, psychology or anything to do with the legal, psychological or emotional trauma of divorce. And I don’t — yet — play a divorce therapist on TV either. So here’s the latest letter I got: I’m about to become a divorced dad. I don’t…Read More
Ah jeez, I hate getting this kind of email from a reader: My wife and I are currently going through a divorce. We are committed to easing our children’s transition during this otherwise tumultuous time. At present, our children do not know that this is occurring. Do you have any recommendations on how to tell the children? Is there any books you have read that can approach this subject with the children in a story…Read More
I’m really saddened to learn that a good friend of mine is poised to go through a very similar journey that I’ve been on for the last few years and that — more importantly — my children have been on, a journey that started with all too much tension and too little effective, honest and humble communication, detoured through lawyers and endless arguments at $250/hr, and ended up with a contentious divorce. Years later it’s…Read More
This is an article I wrote for a divorce recovery book. I hope you find it useful… You already know about splitting up the checking account, figuring out what happens to the bank loans and your cars, and even have started to discuss who gets the family dog and that great bunk bed that your daughter’s loved forever but you want to keep, but in the 21st Century, a lot of us have an entire…Read More
I walked into a rarely visited cafe this afternoon, wasting 30 minutes prior to a meeting at school, and saw my 7yo sitting at a table with her Mom’s boyfriend. The two of them were sitting and doodling on a newspaper cover, eating brownies and a bagel with cream cheese while sipping on large hot chocolates (yeah, nice dinner, eh?) My initial reaction? The same as my reaction ten minutes later: completely neutral. I’m not…Read More
Interesting research from Rice University released today that the financial burden of paying for college is greater for those students who come from divorced or remarried parents. Here’s a link to the study: Contributions to College Costs by Married, Divorced, and Remarried Parent. There are some curious figures, however, that make me think the researchers haven’t really thought through the issue… For example, the research shows that divorced parents only have half the income, on…Read More
I got this email from a reader this morning: “I just wanted to write you and tell you I just came across your site as I was searching for Attachment Parenting groups in Boulder, and am thrilled to have found a voice of a single dad who takes the time to write about his kids and all the quirks that go along with being a parent with an attachment parenting framework…. As a single mother…Read More
Mmy kids were on holiday with my ex for a few weeks, missing me (as they reported via email, text message and phone call) but enjoying their time with their mom. “Why can’t you be here too, Daddy?” was the constant refrain. Then when they’re with me on trips, it’s clear they miss their Mom too… A few years ago, when we were separated but not yet divorced (though divorce was clearly the path towards…Read More